nO nEED tO eXPLAIN

at this point, at least, i don't think it is necessary to explain who he was, how we met, any of that.
it might cause some curiousness, i am aware of this, but it is somehow irrelevant. maybe when the time feels right for that story. but it is necessary to explore the feeling i am carrying.
yesterday everything almost seemed useless, i mean this love, this blog. i felt i was almost over him. my rational part had taken over, i guess, and was well aware that it is a waste of time to be into someone who's not into you (which obviously i still think). (at this point i feel the need to clarify that i am not a teenager, no matter how childish my feelings might appear at times). but today i again somehow started seeing his face everywhere, hearing our story in all songs etc.
then i found out something new about him, something that makes me like him even more. he is into this:

Mischa Maisky plays Bach Cello Suite No.1 in G (full)

(I suggest you hear it as a soundtrack while you keep reading)

then i heard a song that said "write songs for him" and "send him your voice wherever he is". and i realised that as much as i am thinking about him, he might be thinking about me some... most likely not as much, but somehow i know he has also not completely forgotten about me like i've never existed. he was really into me at some point, then he kinda lost interest. or maybe it was something i did. regardless. i know he does think about me. i could almost assure he even probably thought of contacting me again.

but yes, i know: he didn't.

my point is; that i don't care. i'd probably like for him to be into me as well, but even if he's not, it is fine. i promise. i know it might sound hard to believe, but i am not trying to convince anyone. i am just trying to make you understand something. this is a trip of self-discovery. i found this man, he awoke all these wonderful feelings in me. now he is gone, maybe did not feel the same. but those feelings belong to me, and i want to explore them, i want to feel them, i want to learn more about myself and the capabilities of my love through this experience. it is about me, so even if he is not there, it is still fine.

i hope sometime soon i can write a song, or a poem for him.
thanks for reading, lovely stranger.

tHE dAY aFTER

yes, i guess this is kinda gonna be my thing now. the first letter small, then all capitals.
i guess it is also gonna be my thing to write about love. after all, as any dreamer i surely have a lot to say about it.
have you ever fallen in love with a complete stranger, like truly and utterly fallen in love although you know you have no chance? until recently, neither had i. granted that anyone you fall in love with was at some point a stranger, but in my case i loved this man way before knowing him.
so this is why i am here. cause i have no-where else to express my love.
(dear reader: be aware that i tend to like hyphenated words and i might abuse-of-them)
if you are still reading this, you have been (or currently are) brokenhearted. no hyphen.
so share in the joy of this misery and keep me company while i long for whom i thought was my soul-mate. or one of them. i will share with you one day my theory of why i think we have more than one soul-mate in life, but if we ever come across this person, then he/she was the exact and only soul-mate we deserved at that time.
and please know that i really dislike the all-so-hollywoodesque concept of "the one". what i am talking about here is some true shit (can you say shit in blogs?) and not some cheapo marketing product.
good night, my unknown friend.

tODAY

words are exploding out of my hands, i should be here but instead i am somewhere else, stuck in a different astral plane where i love all living beings and my heart is burning with pain and delight.
but as soon as i want to let them out, they escape, they want to hide, do not want to be spoken. my private feelings out in the world, this is kinda against all my cosmic upbringing.
one day this month where everything changed, you finally came and inspired me. i want to be worthy of your thoughts. even if you never ever think of me again: worthy of knowing you exist. this is beyond contradiction although only opposing words can try to convey it. i suffer and rejoice, i am calm and freaking out. i am happy and never been so miserable.
people call this love, i call it living.

so, this is my plead. because of you i want to be a better person. the best i can be. because of you i have never been more full of faith, yet i couldn't care less about everything i believed so far. because of you i wish to have the happiest life i can think of, with or without you, cause i know you care about my well-being. patience will roll out with every tear of my eyes, because as you said "our life together will be lived". i will not mind showing my vulnerability to the world, my true self. because of you i will love with every bit of my heart, every step i take. this is my plead. i will remember you every morning and every evening... now i am suddenly back in this world, i really despise to be sleeping again into this reality where you don't hear my laughter and i don't see you... i have to stop writing now. hasta siempre, mi bien.