tODAY

words are exploding out of my hands, i should be here but instead i am somewhere else, stuck in a different astral plane where i love all living beings and my heart is burning with pain and delight.
but as soon as i want to let them out, they escape, they want to hide, do not want to be spoken. my private feelings out in the world, this is kinda against all my cosmic upbringing.
one day this month where everything changed, you finally came and inspired me. i want to be worthy of your thoughts. even if you never ever think of me again: worthy of knowing you exist. this is beyond contradiction although only opposing words can try to convey it. i suffer and rejoice, i am calm and freaking out. i am happy and never been so miserable.
people call this love, i call it living.

so, this is my plead. because of you i want to be a better person. the best i can be. because of you i have never been more full of faith, yet i couldn't care less about everything i believed so far. because of you i wish to have the happiest life i can think of, with or without you, cause i know you care about my well-being. patience will roll out with every tear of my eyes, because as you said "our life together will be lived". i will not mind showing my vulnerability to the world, my true self. because of you i will love with every bit of my heart, every step i take. this is my plead. i will remember you every morning and every evening... now i am suddenly back in this world, i really despise to be sleeping again into this reality where you don't hear my laughter and i don't see you... i have to stop writing now. hasta siempre, mi bien.